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Breaking the Touch Barrier!

Sorry, I thought that I published this. It is a bit late but here is what happened a couple of weeks ago.

So here is what happened. Mr Orange asked if I would like to go on a hike. He suggested hiking as it was originally on my tinder profile as one of my activities that I enjoy, and he asked me about my hobbies on our first date. That and I enjoyed the walk we did last weekend. So I picked a place. We went for the hike to the top, then walked slightly further and found a nice little spot that would be nicer in the summer months (It was too cold to swim).

We had a chat for a while and learned more about each other, he told me his lack of a dating life previous to me, and I told him a small piece of mine. We also agreed that we were having more fun than we have had in a long time. It has been so fun to hang out, be ourselves, and get to know one another, likes, dislikes and hobbies.

Okay, getting to the details on the touch barrier. Hiking and climbing a mountain I swear is the best way to break the touch barrier if you or they are nervous about holding your hand. Unless of course he is a complete douche bag and lets you slip down the mountain on your arse. The mountain has to be slightly difficult, with rocks to climb at some point. Or a small creek crossing, something that has a few obstacles that would be easier to get over if you had someone there to help you up or down the rock/step section of track.

In this scenario, he was a perfect gentleman, when it looked like I was having trouble up a huge rock, he held out his hand to help pull me up. At one point I think I was being a pain and failing to get up this slippery part on my own, he said “Just hold my hand,” Like he was telling me to let him help me.

Up until this point, I didn’t realize how nervous I was to hold his hand. It was weird because of two reasons. I am the type of person that finds it difficult to accept help from anyone. The second reason is that I am normally the type of person to jump in, make the first move and hold hands, especially with someone that has less experience dating than myself.

I didn’t want to be the first person this time. I wanted to take things slow. I also read somewhere that it is ego boosting for the man to let him help you when he offers. Also, if you forever say no, he may not ever offer again. So, a couple of times when it was slightly difficult, and may have been able to manage it, I let him help me. It was rewarding. His eyes lit up, and a huge smile would spread across his face. He would then tease me in a playful way, but then I would tease back. Such a fun day.

The accomplishment here was, the touch barrier was broken! The heading of this article sounded a lot more scandalous than it was, doesn’t it? Sorry if you are disappointed, but think of it this way, if he was nervous in anyway to hold my hand, he will be a lot less nervous when he holds it for real as we take a stroll somewhere. I am not generally nervous about hand holding as such, but I am still getting to know Mr Orange. So when that move comes I will leave it up to him. Also, something that scared me was that apparently hand holding can be one of the things that can define a relationship. Not sure if I am ready for that discussion just yet. I am quite happy with dating. I am just glad it’s Mr Orange. At least so far. It does take time to get to know someone. So we will see.

What the hell am I doing?!

Oh No! What is happening to me?

The last couple of weeks have been amazing. My first official week of dating three weeks ago, I got out and met two new people, Mr Orange and Mr Bear. Mr Orange for coffee on the Sarturday. On Sunday, the day after, I met Mr Bear, after lunch, Mr Orange invited me to the movies, so that was a full weekend for me. The second week, after suffering a cold Tuesday through to Thursday, I hung out again with Mr Orange, on Saturday, had a most wonderful date ever. Had lunch, went to an arcade, went bowling, then went for a walk up a nice place to see the waterfall at the end.

Then on Sunday afternoon, the next day, we watched a movie at my place. Before you ask, no, there was no touching, there were a few laughs at my dog, and at hanging a teddy bear from the ceiling fan, but that was all. So that is both days on the last two weekends, four dates over two weeks with Mr Orange. This weekend I am looking forward to hanging out with Mr Orange again. We are going on a small hike and possibly a swim at the waterfall that is in the middle of the trail. I feel like I am completely neglecting Mr Bear. I can’t beleive I already have a favourite… It hasnt even been a month since I began the dating game and joined Tinder (read about it here).

The reason I am writing today, is not to brag, it is this. What the hell am I doing?! My head has started to tell me to back off, and to make other plans, I feel I am freaking out. I dont want him to get tired of me, but I also want to spend time with Mr Orange as much as I can. I want get to know him and learn about all his quirks. I want to take him to all of the other arcades in the city. I want to check out the pool bar that he mentioned as it sounds wonderful and fun. I want to take him to one of the lakes that have a decent walking track.

Then I think, “what if he decides that he is not interested before I get to go to these places with him?” All of these thoughts are starting to freak me out creating the feeling of impatience. My whole purpose of dating was to meet new people, decide what I liked, what I didnt, and not fixate on any one man, so that if I or he decide that we weren’t compatible I wouldnt be so devistated. I dont think I am doing a very good job at it.

I have started to feel concious of the fact, that if I am too full on he will pull away, so I am holding myself back, but at the same time, I am not a patient person. This is one of my many flaws. I used to think I was patient, and I do have a bit of patience with some things, like children and my grandmother, but in some situations, I mostly just manage my impatience, like forcing myself to go to sleep on Christmas Eve so Santa would come faster.

That being said, I am now always looking forward to the weekends more than ever. I have been hoping that by Friday that I will have plans solid with Mr Orange, although I have only known him for a short time.

So my impatience and plus trying to get my head around the rules of the dating game are sort of driving me almost insane. Should I purposely make sure that I organise other activities so that I am not spending so much time with Mr Orange? Some websites say yes, make him miss you. But would he really? Or should I let what ever this is run its course and soak it up while I can?

I guess there is nothing wrong with having a favourite, but when my goals is to not fixate on any one man, and be single for a while, having a favourite may be a bit counterintuitive. I need to remind myself that I don’t want a relationship. Just now I imagined him asking me to be his girlfriend, and I freaked a little. No. Not right now. I am now appreciating going at the pace that we are going. Slow.

So now, when he messages me first, I get so excited. When he invites me to do something with him, I almost squeal (actually I do squeal, very highly pitched, loud and long, but I am not going to divulge that information). I can’t wait now to get home to message him, or begin thinking about the weekend and if he wants to do something together. It is weird how excited I got when he wrote “our hike” in the message. Sounds creepy out of context but that is all I will share of the message for fear of identifying the person. I also got excited when he wrote “we”. Such a small tiny thing, but if you know me personally, you would know why it affected me so positively.

At present I am freaking out, we are currently making plans for this weekend. AAAANND Now my weekend is booked out. Yes I was talking to Mr Orange while typing this. Not that I am complaining. I am actually very happy that I have been getting out of the house and doing things instead of just sitting around at home doing nothing. Of course I am doing all this with Mr Orange, and I have no idea what I am doing. I am having so much fun. And I can only assume that he is having a good time too as he is the one now that is somehow making plans with me. I think mostly I make the plans, but he throws in the suggestion, like going for a hike was his suggestion, although the activity is new to him, all I really had to do was decide where and when. Which is usally difficult, but it has been alot easier since dating him. At least he thought of the “What to do.” I guess that is a good thing.

I haven’t had to think too hard to make plans either. I mean, occasionally I am at a loss of what to do, but I throw some ideas out there, and then he will even throw out a couple of ideas, or pick one of the ideas that I have given, which is a lot better than saying no to all of them.

One of the things that I am confused about is how I will be so excited one day, and the next day I feel like I might be spending too much time with him and be like, “Should I make myself busy? So I don’t seem like I am just sitting around waiting for him to make plans?” It’s not because I need space or anything. I live in a big house. I have plenty of space to myself during the week.

Like I feel like I am wanting to play by the rules, and then I think “stuff the rules.” If anything, I don’t even really know what the rules are. All I know is that I don’t want to lose myself, or hurt anyone in the process of figuring all this out. So I guess right now, all I am going to do, is continue to have fun, be myself, and if I feel like hanging out with Mr Orange, and if he is free and wanting to hang out with me too, then I am all for it. I will enjoy being in the moment rather than worrying about what is coming. I feel when I worry about the future or even the past that I never enjoy the moment and sometimes lose the now.

Woah got a bit philosophical there. But it is true. If I keep worrying about what may happen, whether something more will come of this relationship or not, then I may find that I will get more hurt than I would get if Mr Orange felt the need to stop seeing me.

So, I will have fun while I can, and I will follow what feels right, not force anything and not worry about what may or may not happen as well as be myself and in the moment. That is the thing, I feel like I am being myself with him, it’s so easy, and different. Nice different.

One last thing, you know when you go on a date or meet someone for the first time and you are nervous as hell, then after you part, a couple of days later you think about the encounter and you remember something you said or did, and you regret it and think “Oh I shouldn’t have said/done that.” Or you remember something they said and you start reading too much into it? I am not getting that. I think it’s amazing! That is one of the things that has been exciting me about the whole experience so far.

Thanks for sitting through that. I hope it was somewhat enjoyable or relatable 😀

Jessi.M

xx

Three Men in Two Days

It’s not as bad as it sounds. Let me explain. If you read the last post, I am currently recovering from a cold, and I think I know how I got it in the first place.

The weekend before my week of illness, on the Friday night, I got a message from one of the guys that I had been chatting to on Tinder. No, that is not new news, see my quick snippet here about my thought process when joining the Tinder universe.

I wont use their real names, lets call him Mr Orange. Why not? I guess his name could be anything, and I could change it later. Anyway, I get the message to ask if I would like to grab a coffee in the morning. I had absolutely no plans this weekend. It was the first weekend that I had decided that I wasn’t going to be upset if I didn’t get up to anything.

In the end, I was asked out by Mr Orange for a coffee, and then I was asked to join Mr Bear for lunch. Where is the third man you say? I will get to that momentarily.

Have you ever heard that theory that men can sense calm waters? I cant remember where I heard or read about it, and I tried to google it to put a link to it, but had no luck. When I find it I will link it in. You know that theory, when you sort of pine over a guy, usually it is an Ex-lover, and they sort of seem to want nothing to do with you, and the moment you begin to move on, being happy and content, and even dating other people, they seem to sense it and show up at your door? Well, I believe that is what happened on this particular weekend.

Let’s call him, Mr Regular for now. You see, Mr Regular and I had been friends for a long time. We had even lived together. Not as partners, just as friends. He had been there through nearly every breakup, and I had been there for nearly every girlfriend. But as time went on, we drifted apart, I got a long term partner and he moved out to give us space. I wont go into his story, as it is not mine to tell.

I will need to write another post to explain Mr Regular, so once I have done the page I will put a link in this page.

Anyway, so Mr Regular and I accidentally crossed the line of friends only into friends with occasional benefits. more on that later. So after I was finished with my date with Mr Orange, I get a text from Mr Regular asking if I would like a visitor. I hadn’t really had the opportunity to talk to him as a friend since the demotion of our relationship status, which was no more fooling around (a decision that he made for us and I was upset about… more on that later) so I thought it would be good to see him on a platonic level again.

I agreed.

Mr Regular comes over and not long after he gets in the door, he gives me a hug, which is a standard thing that I have always done with him, and then he gives me a big smooch on the lips. Not at all disgusting and surprisingly pleasant. I sort of haven’t had any action for about two months, and I was not really craving it until that moment.

I was confused.

Moving past all the chitter chatter, we had a bit of a make out session. It was nice to be held, even for a little bit. I did mention to him that I was on the tail end of my period, (too much info I know), so nothing was going to happen. He stayed for a little bit, and shirts came off but that was it. Then after a while, he left. I think I know what he wanted, I didn’t give him the good stuff, but I was left very confused.

That is why I think he only contacted me when he sensed the calm waters? We wont know unless I see him again. He has become very good at not answering my texts again.

Saturday night, I had the most wonderful girls night with my best friend. Wine and cheese, music, dancing and tacos! I couldn’t ask for a better friend or a better night. In fact it was well over due. I told her all about Mr Orange, and Mr Regular, and then about my date on Sunday with Mr Bear.

There was a lot of wine, and I did go home in a taxi. A very wet night.

Come Sunday, I was a little hung over. Not much, but I did need to have some hangover food to ease the stomach a bit and a panadol to rid me of the inkling of a headache. So off I went to meet Mr Bear for lunch.

I was a little worried to meet Mr Bear. His picture on Tinder wasnt the best, and when he texted me, he almost told me things that I didn’t need know. Not bad things, just things like, he put a load of washing on and hung it out today. Um, thanks for the info? I read somewhere to go on dates with a range of different people. I might find I don’t like them and it will be easier to move on, or be pleasantly surprised.

I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. He was a big teddy bear, hence the name that I have allocated this man. He was sweet paid for lunch, and while we were sitting there, some obnoxious people kept going in and out of the door which let the cold air in every five seconds. So he would casually get up and close the door behind them.

While on lunch, Mr Orange asked if I would like to see a movie, he wanted to get out of the house. I read the message after my date with Mr Bear of course. I was keen. I was like, “hell yeah!” I was keen to meet up again and have what I classed as a third date that weekend.

I actually phoned him my reply, cause it was easier to discuss movies, times and cinemas. I got his message bank. So when he rang me back, I was shocked and surprisingly really happy. I was also happy about how I was doing. I wasn’t scared. I was facing my fears. That and most guys I have met all prefer to message. One that I met refuses to answer the phone that is how much he would prefer not to talk to someone on the phone. More on him at a later date.

We meet at the movie theater and after the movie we explored the city. Found a nice park, that he didn’t know existed, and it drizzled a bit. Then we went to the esplanade for a while, sat down and it was cold. So getting in and out of the car, then being in the rain almost all weekend after a hangover I think is what made me ill. I was super happy on Monday, and Tuesday came and BAM! it hit me. Sorry that this was a long story.

So that is how I met up with three men over two days. It was a full weekend. At one point I was confused as hell, but apparently that is all a part of the single life. And I am more than happy to experience it all. I am not looking forward to the heart break times. However, I will embrace it when it comes.

I should be signing off now. There is so much to catch up on. I will do my best to fill you in.

Love Jessi.



Getting the flu when you are single AF.

I knew this day was coming. The day where I get sick and don’t have that significant other to assist in my recovery process. Someone to bring me soup, and cuddle me until I am feeling better. A well, as it happens, as much as that would have been nice, the other side of it I was grateful that I didn’t have to feel guilty for someone needing to look after me as well as not getting any sleep as I coughed, sneezed and blew my nose into the night. So I guess for that I am pleased.

If I really got bad I knew the emergency numbers, and I am sure if I called on my friends they would help in anyway they could. That thought alone made me feel safer. Although one of my flaws is that I don’t want to feel like a burden to anyone. I guess that is another reason why I decided to do the single thing more full time. Haha I say that like it is a job.

Getting sick in the middle of the week has its challenges, but has its perks. I got to go home for half a day and stay home for a full day. I mean it wasn’t a holiday but I didn’t force myself through it because I could have made it worse. Though by Thursday, I pulled myself out of bed to go to work. It was difficult, but at least I felt more useful than the day before.

Last night though up all night coughing, so going in to work today was struggle. It was like I pulled an all-nighter. I couldn’t concentrate, but I did my best. The important thing was that I took a good look at myself and did what was best for me. I finally learnt how to make a basic chicken and corn soup, and I made myself sleep as much of the illness off as I could. I had been staying up late for a while so it has been good to catch up and rest.

My take from this is that I have been doing so much lately, I have gone from 0 to 100 in the single and dating world (more on that later), and the universe has gone, “Woah! Hold up! Slow the F*** down!” So I will gladly take this on board and slow down. I don’t need to go on three dates in two days. I can just go slow and see how it goes. Thank goodness that I am recovered enough for this weekend. I have one date, at least so far. I am not going to go out of my way too far this weekend. I am also going to make sure that I have time for me.

In case you are after what I did in attempts to get over the cold faster:

  • Get plenty of rest/sleep
  • Panadol
  • Nasal spray for decongesting my sinus’ and safe for Asthmatics (me)
  • Lemon and Honey Tea
  • Avoided Sugar
  • Chicken and Corn soup (Chicken and Vegetable would have been healthier, but I’m a rebel)
  • Cough mix (also safe for Asthmatics)
  • Plenty of water
  • Eucalyptus oil drops on tissues really helped
  • Codral for first couple of days, then I was told by a chemist that they are no good for Asthmatics.

I swear every time I go to the Chemist with a cold they tell me something different. But I stand by the chemist I go to now. They are more consistent and actually care that I have asthma and treat accordingly. The other one I used to go always gave me something harmful. Anyway, that bitching aside. I am feeling a lot better now. Occasional blocked nose and ears is my lasting side effects as well as an annoying persistent cough. Eventually it will go away.

I have a theory on why I got the cold in the first place. I will tell you more in the next entry.

Cheers! xx

OMG… I joined Tinder

https://pixabay.com/users/terimakasih0-624267/

Ah, Tinder, the app that is notorious for one night stands and casual hookups. The app that says, “I am single, now I am ready to take my pants off.” Or so I have always thought.

I could ramble on to justify why I finally decided to take on the well-known “dating” app, but I won’t. Instead, I will compile a dot point list:

    • I was curious.
    • It had been ages since I went on a date.
    • To meet new people.
    • To step out of my comfort zone.

Notice none of the above mentions “To get a boyfriend,” or “To get laid.” To tell the truth, I was terrified of joining the app. Mortified at the idea of choosing which men to swipe left and swipe right to, as well as what they thought of me being on the site. Perhaps they will think that I only want to have sex. Maybe they will think that I am easy? 

With all those fears in mind. I joined. I am all about stretching my comfort zone lately. I signed up, selected a few photos from my facebook, read the quick tutorial, which was pretty basic. Then I was presented with the first person to which I had to decide based on looks, which direction to swipe.

For a good thirty seconds, which felt like a lifetime, I had no idea what to do. If I swipe one way, I was judging someone based on their looks, if I swipe the other way, well, the same thing… I felt uncomfortable for the requirement to be so shallow in that moment. I wanted to be able to come back to that picture and decide later, see what I was comparing them to, but the only way to see the next picture is to give them a swipe. So I decided that I would swipe left on my first one. Sorry.

After a few swipes in, it became easier, and I started to realize why people meet less organically anymore. Meeting new people and learning about each other is nerve-racking. So why not by-pass that and get to know each other online? It is so easy to ignore someone online and to hide our crazy personalities behind a screen or phone.  It is also so easy to think about what you are going to say before you say it, or in most cases like the tinder app… type it.

Meeting new people is hard. Picture this… You see a good looking guy with a wonderful smile on the other side of the cafe, sipping coffee. You catch a glance and smile back. It is on, he gets up from his seat and makes his way closer, then proceeds to walk past you, out the door. He didn’t even try to start up a conversation with you. Why? Because why put in the effort to go and strike up a conversation with you, if he already has a thousand other potential women at his finger-tips. He was probably too busy talking to three at a time.

It takes all the work out of it, which I think is good in one way, it levels the playing field, but it is also damaging. Humans nowadays are so used to everything being so easy, we have machines and technology that make our lives easier. Like washing the dishes, driving to work, getting take out. Everything is so easy, that we believe that dating and relationships are also supposed to be easy. 

Ask your grandparents, even your parents. Relationships’ take work. Even the relationships you have with your friends require work to maintain, and since we live in a society where we almost don’t have to work for anything, dating and relationships have become one of those things that we give up on as soon as it gets difficult. I am all for walking away when its the right thing to do, to feel safe, but I also believe in giving it a good go and not just giving in when you have a disagreement about pineapple on pizza.

One good thing about apps like Tinder, is it takes out a lot of the guesswork out of meeting single guys (or want to be single guys). If you have ever lived where I do, you would understand that most guys that are remotely attractive, nice, or even close to someone that you would see yourself dating, the chances are… they are taken or not interested. Tinder at least you know that the guys on there are either single and looking to meet new people, or looking for a good time (single or not). It also only lets you talk to people that have also swiped right on you too. It sure beats going up to a guy and asking them out, only to find that they have a missus. It avoids any, if not all embarrassment. 

That being said, I do want to practice meeting people organically in the near future. In an attempt to stretch my comfort zone, It is on my to-do list, for this single life experiment.

So for now, I am having fun talking to new people, checking out their profiles, and deciding on whether or not I would like to get to know them better. Hopefully, in my next entry, I will have a few stories to tell you. Until then, stay safe and happy dating!

Jessi

 

I am single… again

Yup. That’s right, I’m on the market again. Or am I? I have decided that I am going to really give the single life a shot. In the last 11 years I have been single for probably an accumulative six months. In and out of relationships since the age of 17. Not super healthy. In fact I never really explored who I am to the fullest. I think the development of my maturity was severely stunted as a result.

When you are in a relationship, you want to share everything with someone. Things that you are excited about, interested in, and your discoveries. When you are single, well… you no longer have that significant other to share these findings with. So I thought I would start a blog. I have always wanted to start a blog, but never had anything interesting to right about.

I guess some of you might find this interesting, some may not, so to the select few, thank you. I am happy to have you with me for this journey. I am not sure of the destination yet, but I am certainly excited about the experiences that I am about to have and excited to share them with you.

Before you start asking where my friends are at. I have a select few friends that I talk to, but they also have their own lives to live, so I don’t get to talk to them as much as I would like. Don’t worry, I catch them all up on the goss when I get together with them. So they will know all about it when I see them next. Or if they read my blog, whichever is first.

With this blog, not only will I be accountable, but I will be able to reflect on things as they happen, as I think them, say them, do them. I guess as a warning, I may become very descriptive. Though I will do my best to keep any vulgar language to a minimum, because I don’t believe that you need such such language to tell any particular story, but I also cant guarantee that this blog wont have any F’s in it.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy. Hopefully some of you can relate or find this interesting in someway. Stay tuned. Hopefully it will get more interesting as time goes on.

Cheers.

My First Blog Post

Single life: The experiment of my life.

This blog is about my journey to becoming a proud and happy single woman. There are so many articles out there on relationships, how to get them, maintain them, and get rid of them. Equally so, there are articles about how some women are so happy and content being single and that they wouldn’t have it any other way, and that they have always been that way. But I was wondering, what does the journey looks like for a serial-monogamist, to become a confident and sexy single woman.

So join me if you like. If not, wish me well and move on.

Cheers.